I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
