I think I died a long time ago.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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