he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
