Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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