I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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