Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
