The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
