You don't have asthma, your pregnant
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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