So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize