I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
