...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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