Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
