I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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