just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Sext me about skeletons
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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