Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
