Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize