I wanna passion pit in your ass
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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