I think I am morally bankrupt
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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