i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
