im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Can you bring me the toilet please
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
