I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
