he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Randomize
