I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
