My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
