Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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