i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
