you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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