It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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