She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
