why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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