I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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