i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
