Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
