You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
