Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
