You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
