i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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