I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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