Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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