I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
