the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize