Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
