his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My bed smells like the plague
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
