I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
