the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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