dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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