the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
