Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
