So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize