please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
not ubering you a puppy
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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