I'm laying in your front yard are you home
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
