There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
