Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
