Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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