Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
