return my video game
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize