it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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