ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
