Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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