Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
