she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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