Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
