the new term for farting is butt boxing.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
