OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
God, I missed his penis.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
