so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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