my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
