he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
