You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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