these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
