You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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