I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
