I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I got inside last night via doggy door
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
