Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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