i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
