i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
